Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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