My balls are so social today.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
