I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
