I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
