tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
