the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will die if light touches me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
