Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
