I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
