Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
