i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
