Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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