the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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