Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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