the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
