Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
