I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
