Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
