i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
