Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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