a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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