I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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