My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
