I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
