Christians are straight up FREAKS
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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