The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need water and some morals
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
