he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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