upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
