i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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