Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
