I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
