She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
