remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
