i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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