If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well you can't waste a boner
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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