Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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