So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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