:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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