very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
