I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
