..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
