i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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