apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
