Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
