So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
