Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
