just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
