Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
