no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
