I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
