I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
North Korea, Best Korea!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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