I didn't shave. On purpose
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
