I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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