I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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