Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
