Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
