I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
