She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
