you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize